Well it is most definitely true that after the rain, comes the rainbow. I have been really struggling with the concept of acceptance and probably will for a little while longer. But it is one of those stages that I have to go through. A lot like anger after denial. I am doing the angry bit quite well. I guess it can be called a blip on the road to calm.
But in travelling over that blip, I have arrived in a much happier place. Yes, I am still exhausted. Yes, I still yell at the kids in the morning when getting ready for school. Yes, I still struggle to sleep some nights. But I have come to a very comfortable conclusion. My health is a hell of a lot better than I give it credit for. My armour of wellness is strong. So even with the dips and blips, I am in a great health space. I have put myself there through hard work, so I should really be proud of that.
The response to my last post has been phenomenal and the message is entirely clear.
Life is a beautiful mess and we are all just a little bit bonkers.
And that is okay. It is what makes us beautiful and unique and super dooper wonderful. I do believe the world would be a much more boring place without a bit of bonkers.
In fact, I am bonkers in more ways than one.
Firstly, I freaking love snowdomes. Daggy AND awesome.
I don’t even remember when my obsession with them began. Now they are all over my house. My folks travel a lot so they are the main contributor to my collection, which is fortunate because they don’t make snowdomes for school mums. Who would buy a wonky statue of a woman clenching her teeth with whining children holding onto their legs as they carry all the backpacks to the car each night. And instead of snow, it would be filled with bonkers. Because that is exactly where the kids are driving you every day. I holiday in bonkers regularly.
The Baker tolerates my snowdomes but I don’t think he’d shed a tear if several of them ‘fell’ off the mantlepiece.
Secondly, I am ridiculously organised. I have lolly bags packed for birthday parties before I’ve sent the invites out. I meal plan. I online grocery shop because nothing sends me into panic more than supermarket shopping with four kids. Once I let the one fanged monkey free range after he threw an almighty tantrum about NOT being in the trolley. I nearly lost my foshizzle one hundred times over but did actually lose it when I found him wandering down the aisle with a two litre bottle of Coke in his arms. If he were able, there would have been a matchbox car in his grasp too.
But this obsessive organisation keeps me from going more bonkers so it is a quasi-bonkers trait. As long as I don’t go bonkers being organised for something so far in advance then bring that bonkers on.
Thirdly, I heart Halloween. No one else does except my kids and me. Well, that is not entirely true based on the very rad looking moving zombie bride I nearly purchased the other week. She wasn’t just rad, but freakin’ rad, plus she was super scary. She was eating an arm, as zombie brides are wanton to do, and her background music was bone chilling. The other scary thing about her was that she was seventy five bucks. I thought about it and then slapped myself across the face and purchased a glow in the dark skeleton instead.
So my skeleton is pretty rad. Let’s call him Claude. Claude likes to hang out and tell bad jokes.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with. Ba-Boom.
I was so looking forward to Claude hanging out with me this Halloween, scaring the little children and causing general mischief. But the Baker went a little bit bonkers last Friday night and booked a last minute trip to Bali. Clearly he didn’t consult me on dates because we fly home on Halloween. And all the flights out of Bali are overnight ones which will be scarier than anything Claude or the zombie bride can think up.
But I’ll be looking at this*, so really I probably won’t give a… (* This is the view of blue sky from my pool side lounge. The children will be perfectly behaved, applying their own suncream and playing quietly. I will be either sleeping, topping up on vitamin D or drinking a Bintang. Only one of these sentences is true.)
The kids were devo when the Baker told them they would miss Halloween. No seriously, the nine year old was bawling. So I told her I was a bit devo too to make her feel better even if the truth is I AM a bit devo that Claude will have to hold off on the scaremongering for another year. Told you…bonkers. Let’s just say I may be able to pick up the zombie bride in the post Halloween sales. Who am I kidding, she’ll be gone. She IS that rad.
But I am curious to see what would happen if Claude accidentally ended up in my suitcase to Bali. Imagine what the x-ray screening guys would do if a skeleton showed up on their screens. “Um, excuse me lady, there appears to be a skeleton in your closet.”
Claude and I are ready to rock Canggu though. He even has his sunnies on. Plus he doesn’t need swimwear or suncream. By the way, sunglasses are super hard to put on a skeleton without a nose, which is why he looks like I have got him in a choker hold. Actually, I do have him in a choker hold because without muscles, Claude can’t hold his head up by himself. He is quite high maintenance actually.
I might leave him behind because I can’t balance Claude and a giant coconut water. It is absolutely, positively too much like hard work.
In the glory of being a little bit or a big bit bonkers comes a fabulous ability to laugh at one’s self. Does anyone else feel like a tosser when they refer to themselves as one’s self? And did I put the apostrophe in the right place? But how refreshing is it not to take life too seriously for a change. Serious is soooo boring and a whole lot exhausting.
If being bonkers had a colour, it could possibly be green – clarity + understanding. Because you can’t laugh at your bonker-ness if you don’t understand what it IS that makes you bonkers. And if laughter had a colour, it would most definitely be a shade of bonkers.
But this post is frighteningly (get it, like scary?) yellow – happiness + optimism. I am learning to have the ability to stop for a moment and just let life be wonderful. To not over think everything. To be in THAT moment, whatever that moment may be. Because I am managing myself well. Because I am clearing my schedule. Because I am slowly saying no. Because I care about me.
And with Claude + the Baker, I really do have the best of both worlds.