I reckon that I have quite a big safety blanket in this blog. I get to empty my mind, offer advice and tell a story of how I manage my own anxiety.
But lately, there has been a fair discrepancy between my blog persona and myself.
I seem to have lost my mindful way. I am most definitely not practising what I preach. I certainly haven’t been checking in to Smiling Mind with any regularity. The irony is that I’ve been sending my kids to their rooms to practice Smiling Mind when they get tense. They come out in a much better space although it is a constant work in progress. But for myself? I have been bumbling along in a mindless mess without much consideration to the impact it is having on me.
Inside my head is a lot of noise. In fact, right now, all I can hear is noise.
There is a lot of noise from the worries on my mind. There is a lot of noise from the small people in my house. This will not go away but some days…Oh. My. God. The. NOISE.
It is exhausting and stressful and panic inducing and relentless and everything all in one crescendo.
So the noise inside my head needs to go. It needs to be processed and let go. I need to get back to the present moment.
I have taken some time these holidays to help the kids work through some stresses in their lives. Talking to them about gratitude in a take, take, take kind of world. School holidays can bring out the worst of the “I want…” in all of us but “I want…” costs money. So does maintenance like hair cuts and dental appointments which need to fit it with art classes and swimming lessons and a bit of working in between.
I have always adored positive affirmations so I have encouraged the big girls to write their own.
I need my own blackboard I think. I have lost my way with my affirmations and my gratitude journal. These small practices make me feel fabulous so I wonder why I haven’t been doing them?
And then there is my shitty shoulder injury which I have used as an excuse to stop doing a lot of exercise. Full stop. A bad, bad decision.
I still do Pilates 2-3 times per week but I have lost that muscle tone and strength that I did have. I know that I can get it back but it will take work, once I am recovered.
But more poignant is the lack of that calorie burning, endorphin producing stuff that makes you feel good. And keeps your weight in check. And did I mention, makes you feel good? Really good.
So I am getting the lycra back on properly. And here is my promise to myself: I will practice what I preach.
1. I am going to get moving. I can’t run at the moment, but I will walk and I will walk fast and far. Walking will become my running and I will do it until I need it like the happy, side effect free drug that it is.
2. I am going to silence the noise. Mindfulness is back baby! Hello, me time in the morning to take five minutes to empty my head. It is going to be so worth the journey.
3. I am redefining gratitude. I will shout it from the rooftops. I will speak it every day. I will love and appreciate myself and my life again.
4. I will embrace blue – calm + mindful. I will demonstrate this to my children so they can ‘monkey see, monkey do’ from me. We will bathe in blue. Blue we will be.
So I wonder if any of you will join me? We can share the ways we empty our head. Or show gratitude. Or what lycra we choose to wear. We can practice the preach together. I would love you to join me.
Who is in?