They say when life throws you lemons then make yourself a gin and tonic. I like this thought a lot, not the least because I like gin a lot. But more that in shitty, grey days there is something beautiful on the other side. I guess that is called a rainbow.
For me though it was about straight up clarity. Fuck me, there was so much satisfaction in having a good mopey, sweary whingefest the other day. I don’t think I have ever really properly done it before. My usual mantra would be something like, “Get over it and get on with it” whilst giving myself a giant virtual slap across the face.
But the thing is, you can’t always shake off the blues. For a genuinely long time, I couldn’t shake it off at all. But when you are on that recovery road, in amongst the potholed bitumen is a smooth patch. A time when you can gain some perspective.
For the past two days, I have had tremendous clarity. And I am ever so grateful.
I am grateful that the sun is shining.
I am grateful that I had the time and the confidence to sit in grey, wallow and come out of it feeling great.
I am grateful that I was able to run this morning. Hard running (for me). Up hills (blergh).
I am grateful that when I get dressed every day my four year old tells me I look like a Princess.
I am grateful that my job took me to a beautiful part of the world this morning so that I could soak in the ocean.
I am grateful that this time last week, I was sitting in a cafe with my gorgeous cousin although I would love to be doing that again right now. (It appears I am grateful AND greedy.)
I am grateful that tonight my children will ask far too many times for kisses and cuddles when they should be asleep.
I am grateful that my one fanged two year old can say ‘Good Morning’ in his weird, tongue tied, very cute way.
I am grateful that my hormones are behaving themselves this week.
I am grateful for the grey hairs on my head because I read a quote recently that said, “Do not complain about growing old, it is a privilege denied to many.”
I am grateful for my flourishing garden that is producing an abundance of vegetables and some kick arse chillies.
So colour me out of the grey. Colour me grateful. Colour me Anna.
I think I will colour myself in a bit of blue – calm + mindful. Then I will add a bit of yellow – happiness + optimism. And if you mix them together then I am really just a big dollop of green – clarity + understanding.
In the snakes and ladders of life, I got out of grey and climbed back into green.
What a wonderful palette of satisfaction there is right there.